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Beautydylan's Dumping Ground

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Post by beautydylan on April 16th 2012, 11:16 am

Aww thanks Spirit_Being and Kasce Beautydylan's Dumping Ground - Page 3 641531

_________________
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

S Club 7 - Never Had A Dream Come True
beautydylan
beautydylan

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Number of posts : 179
Age : 31
Location : Non serious answer - outside my head, serious answer - UK
Hobbies : Being random and writing poetry
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Post by Kasce on April 16th 2012, 1:36 pm

That what are friends for
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Post by mia on April 16th 2012, 4:01 pm

What lovely replies here for you Dylan.
Sorry I wasn't much help.
I was in a bad place myself yesterday and hadn't the right energy to answer.
Everything I said came out wrong, so I deleted before posting.
Sending you lots of love and positivity xxx
Hang in there girl Hug

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Post by beautydylan on April 16th 2012, 4:21 pm

Thanks mia, hope you feel better soon yourself Beautydylan's Dumping Ground - Page 3 648385

Tried once again to seek out help for this depression (apart from medication) but once again I got sent home and I've been told I've got to wait 3 months for the counselling to start ...

_________________
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

S Club 7 - Never Had A Dream Come True
beautydylan
beautydylan

Female
Number of posts : 179
Age : 31
Location : Non serious answer - outside my head, serious answer - UK
Hobbies : Being random and writing poetry
Tell us about yourself : I do random very well lol
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Post by mia on April 16th 2012, 4:27 pm

Blinkin heck!
Here, we have a 'well woman' clinic. It is open daily.
There are trainee counsellors, or maybe listeners there for free.
I should think you would have one where you are.

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Post by beautydylan on April 16th 2012, 4:47 pm

The only place I know about here are Samaritans and I'm emailing them.

_________________
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

S Club 7 - Never Had A Dream Come True
beautydylan
beautydylan

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Number of posts : 179
Age : 31
Location : Non serious answer - outside my head, serious answer - UK
Hobbies : Being random and writing poetry
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Post by mia on April 16th 2012, 4:50 pm

Good idea ... keep talking here too.
I am not always around, but someone will be.
Even if you just make post after post, writing it down is good.
xxxx

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Post by Vanilla2 on April 16th 2012, 4:59 pm

Yes thats how long I had to wait, three months.

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Post by beautydylan on April 16th 2012, 5:03 pm

ugh why do they make us have to wait that long ........ do they want those of us who need help to just give up and die .........

_________________
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

S Club 7 - Never Had A Dream Come True
beautydylan
beautydylan

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Number of posts : 179
Age : 31
Location : Non serious answer - outside my head, serious answer - UK
Hobbies : Being random and writing poetry
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Post by Vanilla2 on April 17th 2012, 6:30 am

Agree, where was she three months ago when I was talking to myself.

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Post by beautydylan on April 17th 2012, 8:06 am

Oh Dylan I miss you snugglebug ............ the song "Happy Ending" by Mika reminds me of you ................

_________________
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

S Club 7 - Never Had A Dream Come True
beautydylan
beautydylan

Female
Number of posts : 179
Age : 31
Location : Non serious answer - outside my head, serious answer - UK
Hobbies : Being random and writing poetry
Tell us about yourself : I do random very well lol
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Post by beautydylan on April 17th 2012, 11:47 am

There's an empty space in my heart where Dylan used to play; an empty space on my bed where Dylan used to sleep. I miss feeling his nose touching my nose on a morning. I miss hearing him jump from the conservatory roof trying to make it to the window and colliding with it because he always misjudged the jump. I miss hearing his cry as he made it to the window and wanted to attract my attention.

I miss everything about him.


Last edited by beautydylan on April 20th 2012, 4:51 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : serious typo)

_________________
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

S Club 7 - Never Had A Dream Come True
beautydylan
beautydylan

Female
Number of posts : 179
Age : 31
Location : Non serious answer - outside my head, serious answer - UK
Hobbies : Being random and writing poetry
Tell us about yourself : I do random very well lol
Appreciation Points : 212
Registration date : 2011-11-03

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Post by Vanilla2 on April 18th 2012, 3:58 am

I feel for your sadness. Is it too late to get your cat back?

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Post by beautydylan on April 18th 2012, 1:12 pm

Yeah we can't take him back because of brother's allergy ...

_________________
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

S Club 7 - Never Had A Dream Come True
beautydylan
beautydylan

Female
Number of posts : 179
Age : 31
Location : Non serious answer - outside my head, serious answer - UK
Hobbies : Being random and writing poetry
Tell us about yourself : I do random very well lol
Appreciation Points : 212
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Post by Spirit-Being on April 19th 2012, 11:22 am

You have so much Love for Dylan & your Brother Loves

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Post by beautydylan on April 21st 2012, 7:03 pm

Oh
Dylan I can't forget when I turned and walked away from you leaving you
with strangers, alone in the world once again. I promised you I'd look
after you forever but that never happened. I miss you snugglebug and I
can't wait for the day when we meet again. I remember you were my pillow
at night, lying down on the actual pillow so I had to use part of you
as the pillow. You were my duvet hog as well but I'd forgive you
anything.

_________________
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

S Club 7 - Never Had A Dream Come True
beautydylan
beautydylan

Female
Number of posts : 179
Age : 31
Location : Non serious answer - outside my head, serious answer - UK
Hobbies : Being random and writing poetry
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Post by Spirit-Being on April 21st 2012, 7:10 pm

Dylan knows your thoughts, thoughts are powerful Cat

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Post by beautydylan on April 23rd 2012, 5:03 pm

Dylan I was blessed to have you in my life and I'm blessed to have you in my heart, so many haven't known the love we shared.

_________________
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

S Club 7 - Never Had A Dream Come True
beautydylan
beautydylan

Female
Number of posts : 179
Age : 31
Location : Non serious answer - outside my head, serious answer - UK
Hobbies : Being random and writing poetry
Tell us about yourself : I do random very well lol
Appreciation Points : 212
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Post by beautydylan on May 5th 2012, 3:42 pm

Sorry just need to dump something - if it's a problem mods please let me know.

Dear Ex

I’m writing this as a way of letting out what I’m feeling, as a way of
healing from what happened between us. I know I’ll never get answers
from you as to why you did what you did, but hopefully getting this down
will help me let go of everything and move forward.

I wish none of this had happened. By rights it should be the three of us
– you, me and Dylan spending our lives together. You ruined it though
and left me broken and betrayed. The three of us were split up when
Dylan left me for a new home. There’s no going back now, even though I
sorely want it to happen. Where we used to live together will always be
the city of heartbreak and betrayal for me, the place I was broken and
destroyed. I could never return there because of you.

All my dreams were torn apart when we found out what you’d done. What
you thought you could get away with doing. You were wrong, we DID find
out. I don’t understand what happened. I don’t think I ever will. How
you thought we’d not find out we don’t know, even less understand.

You didn’t ever ask how Dylan was after we split up, nor did you contact
me at all for two months, not even to tell me it was over. You left the
dirty work to me, my mum and stepdad. You left me broken, not wanting
to survive it. Sometimes I think I still don’t, particularly after Dylan
left. I miss both you and Dylan, but Dylan’s gone forever and without
Dylan I couldn’t go back to you. Nor do I feel I could ever trust you
again. It would take too much out of me every time I saw you walking out
of the door if I gave you another chance.

Your betrayal sent me into a downward spiral that I didn’t feel I could
survive. Dylan was the one thing that helped me start to drag myself
back to being OK again but we had to give him away to a new home. This
made me go back into a downward spiral and I’m only just beginning to
move forwards even though it’s very hard and some days I just want to
give up. I just want to go into a fantasy world and never come out of
it. I can’t sleep at night because thoughts of you and Dylan cloud my
mind. Thoughts of our lives together if you’d only understood what you’d
got; thoughts of our lives together if I’d have been a mind reader and
been able to heal whatever was wrong between us.

What did I have to do to fully gain your love and acceptance? What
caused you to betray my trust? I wish you’d have discussed it with me
and we could have worked together to ensure our relationship survived
the storm. It’s too late now; things have changed and you’re gone
forever. All I can do is keep trying to survive the inner turmoil. I
hope I find peace and find someone who’ll accept me for who I am instead
of pretending to be keen then betraying me.

I wish you well in your life. All the best.

Beautydylan

_________________
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

S Club 7 - Never Had A Dream Come True
beautydylan
beautydylan

Female
Number of posts : 179
Age : 31
Location : Non serious answer - outside my head, serious answer - UK
Hobbies : Being random and writing poetry
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Post by Vanilla2 on May 5th 2012, 3:58 pm

Although you may not realise it now, everything does happen for a reason. You are young, life is full of good and bad, please dont let this one bad, interfere with living your life, nor do not let this person ( ex ) cloud your judgement into believing history will repeat itself again. As I said, you are young, you have your whole life ahead of you. Wonderful things are going to happen, just bide your time. You are a good person.

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Post by Spirit-Being on May 5th 2012, 4:07 pm

We all need support, you are a good person and you will attract the right person in your life. Don't give up, and when you find him you will know it. Just do your best to move slow, sometimes that can be difficult, when we feel lonely and depressed. Theres a really good guy out there for you, and he will love you for you. I have been through many heartbreaks, and am still looking for what i call my soul mate. It will happen for you, i do understand what you are going through, those emotional attachments are strong, cutting cords is not easy, it does take time. But you are healing each day, i love your honesty, and how you share your emotions so well, if only we all would do this. Smile Very Happy You have people that love you here, if you need to talk about anything i am sure anyone of us would be willing. Have an awesome day beauty Giving Flowers

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Post by beautydylan on May 6th 2012, 8:13 am

Aww thanks Spirit and Vanilla, this means a lot Beautydylan's Dumping Ground - Page 3 220146I've written Dylan a letter as well



Dear Dylan

I know you’ll probably never forgive me for promising you a
forever home and then betraying you, in fact I’m not looking for your
forgiveness because I know I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you. What I did
was on a par with what ex did. I left you an anxious snugglebug in a new home.
I could see by your face you couldn’t understand what happened. I’ve got to
live with the memory of when I walked away for the rest of my life. I left you
alone in a strange environment, without me to care for you. I wish I could
rewind back to when ex and I were together.

I know I’ve got to let you go emotionally, but it’s very
hard not knowing whether you’re alive or dead. Do you remember all the times we
shared? The times you made me laugh by trying to stalk random garden objects?
The times you tried making friends with the brambles at the end of the garden
and ended up with a scratched face? The time you tried playing with a wasp in
the garden then it decided to chase me when I tried driving it away from you? I
wish we could go back to those times. You saved my life one day when I’d had
enough after the breakup. Your face at the window was the one thing that
stopped me in my tracks. If it wasn’t for you snugglebug I wouldn’t be here
now.

I remember back when we lived with the ex we thought we had
everything. The whole world was at our feet. We were making fantastic plans for
the future, like having children and adopting you a friend from the rescue I
adopted you from. Now there’s nothing left but memories. Nothing left but the
fact I walked away and we’re no longer together. The fact I deserve to suffer a
lot more for what happened. I just wish I could take you back home to the city
of heartache where the ex and I lived together; where we could spend the rest of
our lives together.

I just wish I could take all your confusion about what happened away. Remove all your sadness and
replace it with love and happiness. Give you the biggest snuggles I can because
you deserve them. Have your cute adorable little face showering me with kitty
kisses again like we always used to. Hold you once more and treat you like the
king of my heart that you were.

All I’ve got now is a cat shaped space in my heart that you
left inside me when I gave you away. I hear your cry still like you’re still
jumping to the window and crashing into it because you don’t judge the jump
properly and your meow as you used to attract my attention telling me you
needed in now. Memories of you flood my mind like the rivers flood the sea.

All I can do is try to accept you’re gone. Your new owners
will hear your cry as you ask to be let in. Your new owners will get those
beautiful affectionate kisses you used to give. They’ll see your gorgeous eyes
as you stare at them pleading for them to share their dinner like you always
used to try with us. They’ll find if they drop food you’ll be there hovering it
up even before the dog can get it.

You’re gone and I’ll never see you again snugglebug. I hope
your new owners can offer you what I never could. I wish you well gorgeous boy.

Beautydylan


Last edited by beautydylan on May 6th 2012, 9:17 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : spacing went barmy)

_________________
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

S Club 7 - Never Had A Dream Come True
beautydylan
beautydylan

Female
Number of posts : 179
Age : 31
Location : Non serious answer - outside my head, serious answer - UK
Hobbies : Being random and writing poetry
Tell us about yourself : I do random very well lol
Appreciation Points : 212
Registration date : 2011-11-03

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Post by Vanilla2 on May 6th 2012, 11:43 am

As I was reaching the bottom of your letter, I actually heard one very faint miaow. Don't know what that symbolises, but I did.

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Post by beautydylan on May 14th 2012, 3:13 pm

I'm just wandering through my thread to leave chocolate cake, magic fairy dust and positive karma here *sprinkles fairy dust and positive karma everywhere*


Last edited by beautydylan on May 14th 2012, 3:14 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : oops typo)

_________________
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

S Club 7 - Never Had A Dream Come True
beautydylan
beautydylan

Female
Number of posts : 179
Age : 31
Location : Non serious answer - outside my head, serious answer - UK
Hobbies : Being random and writing poetry
Tell us about yourself : I do random very well lol
Appreciation Points : 212
Registration date : 2011-11-03

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Post by beautydylan on May 14th 2012, 3:46 pm

Just wanted to say this - this place is one of my favourite sites so
Beautydylan's Dumping Ground - Page 3 220146admins for making this a beautiful place Beautydylan's Dumping Ground - Page 3 864308 Beautydylan's Dumping Ground - Page 3 641531 Beautydylan's Dumping Ground - Page 3 783154 Beautydylan's Dumping Ground - Page 3 857412 Beautydylan's Dumping Ground - Page 3 630240 Special thanks to Spirit_Being for starting this beautiful place Beautydylan's Dumping Ground - Page 3 839875 Beautydylan's Dumping Ground - Page 3 641531


Last edited by beautydylan on May 14th 2012, 4:56 pm; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : whoops I needed to name a particular admin)

_________________
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

S Club 7 - Never Had A Dream Come True
beautydylan
beautydylan

Female
Number of posts : 179
Age : 31
Location : Non serious answer - outside my head, serious answer - UK
Hobbies : Being random and writing poetry
Tell us about yourself : I do random very well lol
Appreciation Points : 212
Registration date : 2011-11-03

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